The pain continued this morning. Pat had to wait five minutes for me to get my lunch ready and she was yelling at me, asking why I was so lazy that I couldn't make it last night. We left at 7:05AM this morning. She was ready at around 7:03AM. I tried to bite my tongue the best I possibly could. This is the person who for weeks would leave the house for around 7:25AM to around 7:30AM and at those times I was ready at around 7:10AM. And I know if I were to even point that out to her she would just get mad. That kind of logic which points our her own mistakes when she's blaming me for the same ones, is like some kind of activation switch for her to go on a rampage. The sick thing is that, she wants to hear that kind of thing so she can feel justified for that kind of anger. The times when I actually tried to explain my side of things it only made her more mad.
The main reason I have to put up with her behaviour is that I live outside the city and she's my only mode of transportation because the city buses don't go past the perimeter highway. She'll usually drop me off at a bus stop and then I take the bus from there to university at the other side of the city. There's a deep kind of frustration in that, but it's like a fire of yoga. Meher Baba would really be hard and disciplined with his disciples. He would post schedules of what they were supposed to do and if they waivered from it one bit, he would get on their case big time.
Now, I certainly don't think that Pat is a sage, but she is a good tool to learn certain aspects of life. I'm definitely not as egotistical because of her. I learn to stay disciplined which helps me, because my room is usually a mess. As the saying goes, "the best lessons in life are the hardest ones to learn."
I have to do my best to treat her and accomodate her for her obvious obcessive compulsion disorders and her deep insecurities. Logic and reasoning are not her strong points that I have to live very humbly and live with her like a servant. A great sage of the past is one of the inspirations of my life in how to deal with my parents. He was born divine, in that he didn't have to do any sadhana to be enlightened. His parents would abuse him and make him do most of the work at home and in the fields. He simply pretended to be stupid and a simpleton and since he had no egotistic attachment to anything, he didn't have any problems with serving his ignorant family.
"Once a leader of a band of thieves and murderers went to the temple of the
goddess Bhadrakali to offer in sacrifice a dull, unintelligent human being
resembling an animal. Such sacrifices are nowhere mentioned in the Vedas and
were concocted by the robbers for the purpose of gaining material wealth. Their
plan was foiled, however, when the man who was to have been sacrificed escaped,
so the chief robber sent his henchmen out to find him. Searching through fields
and forests in the darkness of night, the robbers came to a rice field and saw
Jada Bharata, who was sitting on high ground guarding the field against the
attacks of wild boars. The robbers thought Jada Bharata would be a perfect
sacrifice. Their faces shining with happiness, the robbers bound him with strong
ropes and brought him to the temple of the goddess Kali. Jada Bharata, because
of his complete faith in the protection of the Supreme Lord, did not protest.
There is a song by a famous spiritual master that reads, "My Lord, I am now
surrendered unto You. I am Your eternal servant, and if You like You can kill
me, or if You like You can protect me. In any case, I am fully surrendered unto
You."The robbers bathed Jada Bharata, dressed him in new silk garments, and
decorated him with ornaments and garlands. They fed him a sumptuous last meal
and brought him before the goddess, whom they worshiped with songs and prayers.
Jada Bharata was forced to sit before the deity. Then, one of the thieves,
acting as the chief priest, raised a razor-sharp sword to slit Jada Bharata's
throat so they could offer Kali his warm blood as liquor.But the goddess could
not bear this. She understood that the sinful thieves were about to kill a great
devotee of the Lord. Suddenly, the form of the deity burst open and the goddess
herself appeared, her body burning with an intense, intolerable effulgence. The
infuriated goddess flashed her blazing eyes and displayed her fierce, curved
teeth. Her eyes, crimson orbs, glowered, and she appeared as if she were
prepared to destroy the entire cosmos. Leaping violently from the altar, she
quickly decapitated all the rogues and thieves with the very sword with which
they had intended to kill the saint Jada Bharata."
So, with this lesson and that of Lord Parasimha who saved his devotee from his demonic parents, I have to simply serve both worlds. Which are in reality only one. I think that's it for today. Thank you Lord, for all your grace and patience with my troubled soul. Satgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay.