"It is simple, " Swamiji replied. "The first step is to overcome your identification with your body. 'This body is me' or 'I am this body' is what causes consciousness to remain bound. Free your consciousness from the identification with your body. Then you will neitherfind yourself the doer of your action nor be affected by the fruits of your action. "
"This technique has been described in the third chapter of the yoga sutra..."
Yesterday after work, I was feeling soo sick. My sinus were flared up, my throat was constantly dry and I had a headache which made me not have a good sense of balance. So, it was Saturday, and I was done work at 4PM and when I got picked up by my step-mom Pat and went home, I went straight to bed. Now, I didn't feel tired enough to fall asleep but instead I decided to watch some of my new movies I got. I ended up watching Munich about the rivalries between the muslim and jewish undercover wars after the tragedy that happened in 1972 Olympic games in Munich.
The general story line was that after the killings of the Israeli olympic athletes by the Arab terrorist group called Black September. An undercover operation is conceived to kill most of the main members of the muslim group. Eventually near the end of the movie after a lot of deaths over this conflict they start asking themselves the common sense questions like:
"When will the killing stop?"
"Until they're all destroyed."
"What about the replacements?"
"We'll kill them too."
And at that point I couldn't watch the movie. Both sides just kept on accumulating more deaths. The Israeli government would bomb refugee camps in the Arab countries which wasn't read about in the papers. In turn the muslim groups would organize terrorist attacks which were more public.
In a strange way, I sort of felt responsible. In a small way, I felt like I had a desire for these wars to be resolved by more bloodshed. But I knew it had to stop, all these wars are infected by the suffering of desire which buddha explains in his Four Noble Truths Sermon.
For the play of consciousness is to be realized we have to just stop and be conscious of what exactly we are doing and meaning of it all. What are these desires we have in for short term and long term happiness. How real are they and would it really mean that our lives are over if we give up these desires? It's not saying that we should stop living, but more to the point, that we should be aware and conscious of what we're doing so that our current actions aren't deluded by what we see, such as maya.
Now, after I stopped the movie I went to go have soup because my stomach felt like crap and I didn't want to have anything else. I finished that, and I noticed that I hadn't done my chores for the day nor washed the dishes. So, when I put my bowl away, Pat asked if I was going to wash the dishes? I told her no, because I was sick (which even though it was visible in my physical demeanor, but I guess she hadn't noticed or was stuck in her own little world).
She then went on to say, "Well, who's going to do them? You're saying that the kitchen should stay a mess like this for the rest of tomorrow, because you're going to work in the morning."
"I'll try my best to finish them in the morning"
"Don't give me that crap Tyrone" she replied with inaudible mutterings.
This is the life I have to play out, it's not that fun at times. In years past I used to actually try to reason with my parents, but that would cause more arguments. I realized I couldn't change them, even if I saw it to be logical to make a few positive changes , which were merely suggestions. These however only added fuel to the fire. Some people like to suffer in their own way and only like to progress at their own pace. Which when I contemplated, was only natural.
I was silent after her last remark.It's a play of consciousness, we're all like little children, I thought to myself. There's no way in helping the situation. I felt an enormous frustration. I sort of made a public display by just going to the kitchen table, holding myself up with my arms straight on it, just trying to convince myself that I don't have to let myself lose my temper because of her ignorance. Because I mean, if she was my real mom, I'd like to think that first she would see that I wasn't feeling well, without me having to say anything. And second, understanding that I wasn't feeling well to do my chores.
This was one battle that I couldn't win. But the war kept going, because after that moment of frustration, I went to my room to turn my music on loud ( my most common form of rebellion) and then decided that I might as well shave my hair, because it was getting long anyways. I saw this as symbolic that like the swamis I'm renouncing her ignorance and I'm not going to let it get to me. The other thing to consider which I learned from Baba Muktananda and his guru Bhagwas Nityananda that the ignorance you see in others also belongs partly to yourself.
I ended up waking up early in the morning doing the dishes then heading out to work for the day. I have a few tests in school in the next two weeks, so the added pressure hopefully doesn't push me over the edge, if it already hasn't done so already.
Even though I'm complaining so much, I'm still very thankful to God for his grace in helping me through these very depressing situations. Many spiritual seekers have to go through much physically, mentally and spiritually difficult tasks that break us and see things in a different way. A clairity should emerge from the ashes like the phoenix analogy.
Dealing with Pat and all her fear mongering discipline isn't so bad if I don't take it personally. It makes me stronger and when I'm ready to deal with other conflicts in daily life, them seem petty im comparisen. It's the classic teaching of accomodation of 'to be in the world but not of the world'. That's enough for today, but as you might guess , I still many issues related to these to deal with. Peace and love, sincerely yours, tyrone.