Wednesday, December 20, 2006
its interesting cuz i started out with more of a philosophical approach and most of my friends online were hare krishnas and i dont really get what was so interesting about their stories of krishna. but eventually the bhakti wore off on me.
these days ive been pondering about beliefs and their validity. because i would struggle with my parents if they didnt see my perspective. and i would think if god is in all of us, and we're all connected, why is it so hard for us to simply work together? eventually it ocurred to me that the self which is all of us can 't be perceived by beliefs
in one of her video satsangs, gangaji related to us that we should be able to accept good and bad parts of ourselves. or else it builds up a facism in us. at this the audience got a little shocked. and she continued that yes there can be a spiritual facism just like a political facism. thinking that we should we guard the good and kill the bad, just propogates more 'wars'.
so we dont need to train ourselves like animals always beating ourselves up, everytime we make mistakes and letting ourselves learn out of guilt and pain conditioning. thats why some people will hate you even if you love them. because they hate themselves; to go on and love them dislodges their ego of 'i hate myself' so they will make it a point to hate you to make sure that you hate them as well to confirm their existence of 'i hate myself'
but like plato says, 'no one knowingly does evil, for if they were to realise what was right they would pursue that path' because if you investigate the sociopaths and any kind of delinquet all of them have some kind of justification so that their consciounce wouldn't bother them.
but if we're aware of the problem, the answers and solutions come immediately. not necessarily in our timely expectations, but the solution is in the problem nevertheless. all sages and teachers of truth have been the embodiments of love and compassion. doesnt matter what path theyve come to realise the self.
seeing brahma's sons wanting to realise the self, shiva had compassion on them and incarnated into dakshinamurti and stayed in absolute mouna. with the guidance of silence alone, the brahmins realised the self.
even ramana when he would tell stories like this would well up with emotion. the love never ends, nor finds limitations in all of reality and consciousness.
well my model of enlightenment is love. more and more love. never ending, never running out. always present.
but id rather not use the word enlightenment unless necessary .from the people i talk to , it just creates a sense of distance and separation which in turn furthers our own fears which stem from our own ignorance
we create so many false enlightenments and false idols, coming from false perfections created by limited expectations
the ignorance of ourselves, creates fear which isolates us into multiple divisions
thats the play of consciousness, its not a bad thing, but its also natural to realise who you are for the sake of happiness. its not outside of us nor is it limited to time and space.
everything and everyone are connected whether they are conscious of it or not. realization or enlightenment is herenow, and even if we think we miss that moment, there's no worries, since this present moment never ends in reality.
i was listening to an osho talk today, and someone asked him ''that he is only a beginner and asked if osho could define truth for him. ''
when osho talks,he always sounds like hes about to make a joke about something, i donno, maybe its just the accent. i noticed the same thing with george bush jr. something about the tone of his voice that makes you think hes thinking one thing while he's saying something different.
osho said, ''its good that you say that you're still a beginner–go back!' all the people with advanced knowlege just make more trouble for themselves.
the truth is more about innocence. like how in his last days socrates is reported to have said, 'i know one thing, i know that i know nothing'
but bill i guess ill try to answer the question for the sake of discussion, and just think that both terms are the synomous with each other in the lexicon of spirituality. they seem to be equivalant in my view.(?) is silence better than stillness?
who knows, perhaps…
i just sigh, i try to see through these things a lil bit more nowadays. that emptyness pervades all of existence, that we're just being afraid of a paper tiger. but in a way that makes it fun. thats what gives liveliness and makes this life dynamic. but i guess as things start to slow down, even in these fast paced time, acceptance and awareness helps bridge the gap from suffering to salvation.
theres a great need for healing these days. and i really do think people all over are seeing various crises and rising to the call of duty so to speak, which is really nice to see.
i think about in politics, even th us administration are FINALLLY starting to admit that 'the war on terror' is not going so well. and that they need to make serious adjustments. places like zaadz, youtube give people the opportunities to see teachers like eckhart tolle and adyashanti for free.
in history, so many problems have arisen and the world has faced such terrible calamities, and yet we're still here.
i really do think thats to analyse it thoroughly, thats its all simply beyond comprehension or logic's reach.
the solution is in the problem. thats why i guess in retrospec, ''its gonna be ok''
acceptance of the terrible things that cause us grief isnt that logical. one time mahavira the jain teacher let a mean farmer hammer a long nail right through across his two ears. he silently accepted it and continued to meditate. mahavira remembered in his past life, he had scolded one of his servants who failed his duty and poured some hot boiling liquid in his ears. eventually on his travels, a doctor had pity on mahavira and helped remove the nail and help heal the torn tissues in his ears.
in one of his talks adyashanti, would just talk about surrendering to the unknown. dont try to plan your enlightenment. who knows what could happen, you may turn out to be a che gueverra or a ramana maharshi. just let it be.
take care guys, peace and love
Monday, December 11, 2006
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Been there, done that, from our non-partisan roving reporters ( * )
This page is from Jim Carruth
See also the Adya report from Bobby Meizer
Been there, done that, from our non-partisan roving reporters ( * )
This page is from Jim Carruth
See also the Adya report from Bobby Meizer
Adyashanti June 26, 2005
I got to the Tustin Unity Church about a half hour early. I didn’t really expect to be allowed in, but I felt it was worth a try. I had my neck in an Aspen collar brace and a story to tell about my being on disability and having no money due to being out of work for the last six months.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
(all the videos displayed here have MATURE CONTENT, so viewer's discretion is advised)
both sides have lost their integrity, its not about being right or wrong, it's about working together, because if we could accept others as parts of ourselves which is what is true for reality's sake, then there is peace.
but as with everything, there's the good, the bad and the ugly
Another beating snuff video shames coalition of the killing, You Tube censors it
British troops punch, beat and kick pleading Iraqi children as a sadistic comrade films the brutal scenes of torture, laughing, screaming, growling and frothing like a serial killer filming a snuff movie. This is why the Iraqis hate us.
November 19th: Google removed the video too! So here's an old copy the censors at You Tube missed.
"Oh yes! Oh Yes! You're gonna get it!" snarls the cameraman.
"Yes! Naughty little boys."
He laughs as they boys begin to scream out in pain, "Yes!"
He then takes on the tone of a demented serial killer, grunting and growling, "Yeeeeeesss, yeeeeeessss," as troops punch and kick the children.
He mocks the cries of the boys, "No please don't hurt me," laughs again and then proceeds to begin frothing in some kind of insane carnal bloodlust, "Motherfuckers, you little fuckers - die!"
Adult Iraqis are brought in and similarly assaulted - the video ends.
A probe of this video led to the arrest of the cameraman, Cpl Martin Webster, but after that the investgation seemingly went nowhere and was swept under the rug.
Originally leaked in February this year, this is just the latest in a long line of "trophy videos" that expose the true face of what the troops have been trained and ordered to do in Iraq, dominate, brutalize and enslave the population - and it's why nearly 3,000 have come home in flag-draped coffins.
This is why the Iraqis hate us.
- A CNN clip from the early days of the "liberation" shows U.S. troops finishing off an injured Iraqi. The tape cuts to an interview with one of the soldiers who states, "Like, man, you guys are dead now, you know. But it was a good feeling. I mean, afterwards you're like, hell, yeah, that was awesome. Let's do it again."
- In another clip the soldier exclaims, "Hell yeah bitches," as he audibly orgasms as the scene of carnage before him - a missile slamming into a nearby building. "I got all that shit on camera."
- U.S. troops in a convoy drive vehicles down an Iraqi highway and bemoan the fact that they are not allowed to gun down children who throw rocks at them.
- Bloodthirsty security guards and contractors hang out the back of trucks and randomly execute Iraqis driving in vehicles behind them.
- An Iraqi taxi driver who stole some firewood gets his vehicle crushed by an Abrams tank as U.S. troops cheer and holler.
These are just some of the videos that have been leaked onto the Internet. Now we know that the policy to abuse and torture innocent Iraqis just to show them who the bosses were was implicit, how many more of these kind of incidents have happened over the past three and a half years but not been videotaped by salivating zombies?
This is why the Iraqis hate us.
No one is suggesting that U.S. troops should roll over like a poodle if someone is shooting at them - they have every right to shoot back no matter what your view on the war is. The rubicon is crossed when petty thieves, children who throw rocks or completely innocent people are brutalized without recourse and the one thing that betrays the true nature of it all is the sadistic reaction of the protagonists who enjoy the torture, the beatings and the death.
Most of these individuals were brought up on a steady diet of first person shoot-em-ups, and they have overlaid the mental perception that the video games taught them on how to treat death. Distanced and emotionless, the troops see random slaughter and torture as a stress reliever, a means of letting off some steam - and it's all sanctioned from the very top.
This is why the Iraqis hate us.
The assumption that Iraq is now liberated and that its people have suffered for the glorious opportunity of seeing democracy and freedom flourish throughout their country is the last thread the Neo-Cons are hanging onto as claims of weapons of mass destruction and Al-Qaeda ties evaporated long ago. Yet to claim Iraq is liberated is the most absurd of any of the justifications for going to war or "staying the course."
Every cornerstone of what one would consider to be basic rights in a free society, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, right to fair judicial process, right to be secure from unlawful searches and seizures in one's home, have been abolished in Iraq. The occupation makes the regime of Saddam Hussein look like post-revolution America.
This is why the Iraqis hate us.
I guess the Iraqi children should feel lucky in that they got their retaliation in first by throwing rocks, many are simply arrested, hooded and taken to the torture camp for refusing to show ID at checkpoints. It's good to see that the authorities are not hypocrites and that the same kind of law enforcement techniques are practiced here at home, as Mostafa Tabatabainejad can attest to, the student was tortured for refusing to show his ID to UCLA police in a campus library.
The fun will continue when the same kind of barbarous fiends who get orgasmic pleasure from watching children being tortured come back home and become our police.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
It makes me think about respect for life. ive struggled with depression quite a bit, and only recently gotten a grip on it by that sense of surrender,acceptance and deep breathing. i think of those dark nights and wonder,''wow, that was pretty bad'' it doesnt even seem real, cuz i think logically, if i was in that much psychological pain, maybe i shouldve just ended. but just a sense of responsability, and remember my friends who've struggled with it as well gave balance to my perspective. my meditation certainly gives a good support to trials like that. and i still remember a preacher man, t.d.jakes saying in one of his sermons, that if you want to get to high spots in your life, you have to bear with the deep lows that come along with it.
meher baba after a certain realization through meditation, had trouble trying to stay grounded. he had a very peculiar act of bringing himself back down to normal consciousness. in his room, he would spend quite some time , banging his forehead on the floor. and it just makes me think of his great determination to unite his spiritual consciousness back with normal consciousness, so that he could properly communicate with others and help them efficiently. and then there was simon of the desert, who lived on a pillar above the sand. he didnt have any protection from the elements and would get lots of wounds, from the desert winds. after a while the wounds didnt even have time to heal before the maggots would start to eat the substance from the puss of his wounds. when others were disgusted by this and perplexed by his behaviour, he just said plainly that the bugs themselves, are also the children of god, and thought nothing of it. and THATS the humility of life that i want to establish. not to make a show of it. but if necessary, i am able to endure tremendous pain of body, but for the sake of the spirit of god, endure it nevertheless. well, i should get going to work. peace everyone. one love.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
The sages just tell you simply what the nature of the mind is, forget the details. forget the beliefs, forget the karma, just knowing it now is enough. -Tyrone
It is? How does that work?-Bill
well as far as i know, in response to your question
it's not an act, it is the essence behind your thoughts, something that your thoughts come from
im still trying to release myself into it
it is the home of love and insight. harmony is the natural way.
but one work that i tirelessly try to carry on, is seeing others as part of myself. from the murderers to the saints. the whole spectrum, all of existence is one. being that there is no inherent separation from others, all of existence is empty ( of differences)
for this moment of awareness to be real, and even worthwhile to know it should be natural and so it is said to be uncaused. it doesnt end. the dream of illusions and separation only begins again out of desire.
all fluctuations of time are connected. i know the buddhism explains that reincarnation is like the flickering flame, that infact, it isnt continuous light but constant flashes of light which make it seem continuous, but nevertheless. all of that reality is tied into your perception, which then is anchored into the concept of ''I”
these statements cant be seen as real , if theyre taken out of context, because everything is connected, the way that it works is if and when you are able to see this awareness pervading all of existence, which it does even if you dont notice it consciously
self inquiry , surrender to the moment and acceptance
i hope this does show a bit on how it works. but forgive me i dont really know for real
“The Tao that can be told is NOT the
Eternal Tao” – Lao Tzu
peace and love
A Sadhvi or The Holy Woman
Hundreds of Sadhus had gathered to visit a temple. I was lucky to have the company of my Flickr friend Captain Suresh Sharma with whom I enjoyed shooting for almost full 3 days. This was our last shooting assignment together on his visit to Amritsar this time.
These Sadhus stayed here for about 3 days and left with some food and gifts. It looked like a sea of Sadhus and Sadhvis sitting all around the streets, singing and praising the Lord. It was an awesome experience to shoot such expressive faces and emotions.
By Raminder pal Singh
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
livin the simple life...
to explain your worries away by saying ''its complicated'' makes me heave a big sigh. cuz we hear it all the time, a kid comes up to his dad one day and asks “why are they fighting in the middle east?”
“because the people there don't like each other”
“but why dont they like each other?”
the father heaves a sigh, and says “its complicated, now eat your supper son”
this is the necessary procedure, because first the child's intellectual capacity to reason, isnt fully developped so even if the dad, gave us a full explanation of chomsky proportions, by the time the father finished explaning, the boy would already be uninterested in the answer.
but it instills in us from an early age, to just ignore the hard questions in life, saying its complicated. but there again is that 5%. that we're uncomfortable with. the fact of the matter is that we are the 100% of all of existence. the sages have said as long as we can remember and quantum physics is catching up by proving it with string theory experiments and 'what the bleep' exposes.
in an audio talk, osho explained that without death, life would be meaningless (no pun intended). and we can take from that , is that without the uglyness, the struggle, the pain, the heart ache, the circle would be incomplete.
and if it does break your spirit, but then you still keep going on, ''what doesnt kill you can only make you stronger'' in the context that if you can accept your pain, the pain caused by others, and the pain inflicted on others in foreign areas, it only gets transmuted into harmony, because we are all one. when you accept the whole of existence in all its different colours, shapes, and various experiences. somehow the painting is complete. the canvas(the self) feels at peace.
the other thing i want to comment on is about simplicity. i think our life can only be overly complicated and chaotic if we simply want more than we need. the examply for this is that, not trying to be disrespectful but i like to compare modern day philosophers and psychologist books to that of say ramana maharshi or nisargadatta . these philosophers write books so big, thick and heavy that you could use them as medicine balls for exercise. they explain everything in such a roundabout way that instead of learning what their point is , you get lost in their explanation which is just countless variations of the same thing.
the sages just tell you simply what the nature of the mind is, forget the details. forget the beliefs, forget the karma, just knowing it now is enough.
peace and love
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
- Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity-twice (ya that's right;)
- Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pyjamas
- Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
- Chuck Norris once finished "The Song that Never Ends".
- When Chuck Norris breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live
- Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
- Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch; he decides what time it is
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Its production and passing away--
The sage knows that it came from nowhere and returns to nowhere.
And is empty of reality, like a conjuring trick.
When body and mind dissolve,
They do not exist anywhere,
Any more than musical notes lay heaped up anywhere.
All the elements of being come into existence
After having been non-existent;
And having come into existence pass away
For one who is free from views
There are no ties,
For one who is delivered by understanding
There are no follies;
But those who grasp after views and philosophical opinions,
They wander about in the world annoying people.
Wakefulness is the way to life.
The fool sleeps
As if he were already dead,
But the master is awake
And he lives forever
The master quells his thoughts.
He ends their wandering.
Seated in the cave of the heart,
He finds freedom.
As long as people desire Enlightenment
And grasp after it,
It means that delusion is still with them;
Therefore, they who are following the way of Enlightenment
Must not grasp at it,
And if they reach Enlightenment
They must not linger in it.
Few cross over the river.
Most are stranded on this side.
On the riverbank they run up and down.
But the wise man, following the way,
Crosses over, beyond the reach of death.
Free from desire,
Free from possessions,
Free from the dark places of the heart.
Free from attachment and appetite,
Following the seven lights of awakening,
And rejoicing greatly in his freedom,
In this world the wise man
Becomes himself a light,
Pure, shining, free
However many holy words you read,
However many you speak,
What good will they do you
If you do not act upon them?
Do not look for bad company
Or live with those who do not care.
Find friends who love the truth.
It is you who must make the effort.
The masters only point the way.
Never neglect your work
However great his need.
Your work is to discover your work
And the with all your heart
To give yourself to it
Do only what you do not regret
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
If energy is applied too strongly,
It will lead to restlessness,
And if energy is too lax
It will lead to lassitude.
Therefore, keep your energy in balance
And in this way focus your attention
Be quiet. Do your work, with mastery.
In this world
Hate never yet dispelled hate.
Only love dispels hate.
This is the law,
Ancient and inexhaustible.
You too shall pass away.
Knowing this, how can you quarrel?
Look to your own faults,
What you have done or left undone.
Overlook the faults of others.
The greatest gain is to give to others;
The great loss is to receive without gratitude
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
In 1949 the inauguration of Mother’s Temple took place, and the dedicated
labor of ten years was consecrated in Sri Bhagavan’s presence. In front of the
Mathrubuteswara Shrine, the Jubilee Hall was built to accommodate the
ever-increasing number of devotees. A large granite couch was installed with
elaborate carvings, spread with a silken mattress for Bhagavan’s comfort. As a
big pillow was placed on one side for Bhagavan to keep his arms, another behind
him to lean against and a third one at his feet, the actual seating space was
considerably reduced. One day when Suri Nagamma entered the hall Sri Bhagavan
said, looking at his attendants, "See how this mattress slips from one side to
another! People think that it will be comfortable for Bhagavan if there is a
costly mattress. It is, however, not possible to sit on this restfully. Why
this? It would be much more comfortable if I sat on the stone seat itself. As
told in the story about the Sadhu, people think that Swami is undergoing great
hardship when he lives in a thatched shed and lies on a stone bench, and so they
make a fuss. It will perhaps be better if, like that Sadhu in the story, I
gather some stones similar to those I had in the Virupaksha cave, take them to
whichever place I go, and spread them on a mattress like this".
A devotee said , " what is that story of the Sadhu which Bhagavan has now mentioned?" Whereupon Bhagavan began relating the following story.
A great Mahatma was living as a Sadhu under a tree in a forest. He always used to keep with him three stones. While sleeping, he used to keep one of them under the head, another under the waist and the thrid under the legs and cover himself with a sheet. When it rained, the body used to be on the stones and so the water would flow underneath, and the water that fell on the sheet too, would flow down. So there was no disturbance to his sleep; he used to sleep soundly. When sitting, he used to keep the three stones together like a hearth and sit upon them comfortably. Hence snakes and other reptililes didn't trouble him nor did he trouble them, for they used to crawl through the slits under the stones. Somebody used to bring him food and he would eat it. And so, there was nothing for him to worry about.
"A king, who came to that forest for hunting, saw this Sadhu and felt, 'What a pity!How much must he be suffering by having to adjust his body suitably to those stones and sleep thereon. I will take him home and keep him with me for at least one or two days and make him feel comfortable'. So thinking, he went home and sent two of his soldiers with a palanquin and bearers, with instructions to invite the Sadhu respectfully and bring him to his palace. He also said that if they didn't succeed in bringing the Sadhu, they would be punished. They came and saw the Sadhu and told him that the king had ordered them to bring him to the palace and that he should come. When he showed disinclination to go with them, they said they would be punished if they returned without him. So they begged of him to come, if only to save them from the trouble. As he didn't want them to get into troubled on his account, he agreed to go with them. What was there for him to pack up? A kaupeenam, a sheet and those three stones. He folded and kept the akupeenam in that sheet, kept those three stones also in that sheet and tied them together. 'What is this? This Swami is bringing with him some stones when he's going to a Raja's palace! Is he mad or what?' thought those soldiers. Anyway, he got into the palanquin with his bundle and came to the king. The Raja saw the bundle, and thinking it contained some personal effects; took him into the palace with due respect, feasted him properly and arranged a tape cot with a mattress of silk cotton to sleep upon. The Sadhu opened his bundle, took out the three stones, spread them on the bed, covered himself with the sheet and slept as usual.
"The next morning the king came, bowed to him with respect and asked, 'Swami, is it comofrtable for you here?'
Swami: 'Yes. What's there wanting here? I am always happy'.
"King: 'That's not it, Swami. You were experienceing hardships in the forest by having to sleep on those stones. Here this bed and this house must be giving you happiness. That is why I am asking'.
"Swami:'The bed that was there is here also. The bed that is here is there also. So I have the same happiness everywhere. There is nothing wanting at any time, either in regard to my sleep or to my happiness'.
"The king was puzzled and looked at the cot He saw that the three stones were on it. Whereupon, the king immediately prostrated himself before the Sadhu and said , 'Oh Great Man! Without knowing your greatness I brought you here with the intention of making you happy. I didn't know that you are always in a state of happiness, and so I behaved in this foolish manner. Please excuse me and bless me'. After making up for his mistake in this way, he allwed the Sadhu to go his way. This is the story of the Sadhu."
"So in the eyes of Mahatmas, the free life is the real happy life?" asked that devotee. "What else? Life in big builidings like this is like a prison life. Only I may be an 'A' class prisoner. When I set on mattresses like these, I feel that I am sitting on prickly pears. Where is peace and comfort?" said Bhagavan.
Next day that mattress was taken away and the usual mattress was spread on the couch. Even so, several people thought that it might be better to leave Bhagavan to a free life like that of the Sadhu. But bhagavan had to stay there alone, like a parrot in the cage of the devotees, because the devotees never leave him free.
So it is with the sages, that they need very little and still can
feel contentment with such small provisions because they're in harmony with the universe. Thanks be to God. Allelujah
Friday, October 06, 2006
I used to be the worst at mornings. My dad would get so mad at me when I would sleep in on summer days until like 1PM in the afternoon. Most likely because he got up at 6AM and was outside working with Pat at around 7AM. I think since last year, I learnt to discipline myself to get up early in the mornings. For my new job at SPIKE, helping people with special needs and intellectual disabilities. I have two overnight shifts where it's 3-11PM and I sleep over at the home care, then wake up at 6AM try to get everyone ready for their buses. The hardest thing is getting them ready a little bit ahead of schedule so that I can leave at 8AM and catch my bus. To get to school it takes about a little over an hour since it's at the opposite side of the city and I need to connect with two buses. It can be a real hassel but I think I can do it. If I can get the guys ready ahead of time and then let them wait for the bus for about 10 minutes, then I head out and catch my bus it won't be too bad. Unfortunately, I didn't plan it out so well and missed my first class at 9 30AM this morning, which disappointed me quite a bit since there's a test in that class next Friday. It was the first class that I missed so far in university. Hopefully it doens't become a bad habit for me.
I just have to encourage the guy I'm working with to help out a little. Even though, he's still working with other chores like cleaning and stuff. I just need those last 15 minutes between 7 45 and 8AM, which are critical, and then I should be able to make my bus on time and not miss anymore classes.
Even though I was pretty upset with missing my classes it might've been a good thing, because I was extremely light headed, once I left work, started to slow down my mental processes and went out to the bus stop. When I got to school, I just went to the Arts student lounge and fell asleep on the couch listening to Krishna Das on my ipod.
This day wasn't so bad, just another learning experience. That is my major mode of operations these days; to turn all negatives into something positive. That way I don't repeat the same mistakes as often and don't live with as many regrets.
Tonight, I'll try to study some more sociology on the online program and take their practice tests and then maybe watch Syriana off my computer. Thank y0u god for the equanimity in my life. thanks and praise go out to you. now and forever. amen.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
The pain continued this morning. Pat had to wait five minutes for me to get my lunch ready and she was yelling at me, asking why I was so lazy that I couldn't make it last night. We left at 7:05AM this morning. She was ready at around 7:03AM. I tried to bite my tongue the best I possibly could. This is the person who for weeks would leave the house for around 7:25AM to around 7:30AM and at those times I was ready at around 7:10AM. And I know if I were to even point that out to her she would just get mad. That kind of logic which points our her own mistakes when she's blaming me for the same ones, is like some kind of activation switch for her to go on a rampage. The sick thing is that, she wants to hear that kind of thing so she can feel justified for that kind of anger. The times when I actually tried to explain my side of things it only made her more mad.
The main reason I have to put up with her behaviour is that I live outside the city and she's my only mode of transportation because the city buses don't go past the perimeter highway. She'll usually drop me off at a bus stop and then I take the bus from there to university at the other side of the city. There's a deep kind of frustration in that, but it's like a fire of yoga. Meher Baba would really be hard and disciplined with his disciples. He would post schedules of what they were supposed to do and if they waivered from it one bit, he would get on their case big time.
Now, I certainly don't think that Pat is a sage, but she is a good tool to learn certain aspects of life. I'm definitely not as egotistical because of her. I learn to stay disciplined which helps me, because my room is usually a mess. As the saying goes, "the best lessons in life are the hardest ones to learn."
I have to do my best to treat her and accomodate her for her obvious obcessive compulsion disorders and her deep insecurities. Logic and reasoning are not her strong points that I have to live very humbly and live with her like a servant. A great sage of the past is one of the inspirations of my life in how to deal with my parents. He was born divine, in that he didn't have to do any sadhana to be enlightened. His parents would abuse him and make him do most of the work at home and in the fields. He simply pretended to be stupid and a simpleton and since he had no egotistic attachment to anything, he didn't have any problems with serving his ignorant family.
"Once a leader of a band of thieves and murderers went to the temple of the
goddess Bhadrakali to offer in sacrifice a dull, unintelligent human being
resembling an animal. Such sacrifices are nowhere mentioned in the Vedas and
were concocted by the robbers for the purpose of gaining material wealth. Their
plan was foiled, however, when the man who was to have been sacrificed escaped,
so the chief robber sent his henchmen out to find him. Searching through fields
and forests in the darkness of night, the robbers came to a rice field and saw
Jada Bharata, who was sitting on high ground guarding the field against the
attacks of wild boars. The robbers thought Jada Bharata would be a perfect
sacrifice. Their faces shining with happiness, the robbers bound him with strong
ropes and brought him to the temple of the goddess Kali. Jada Bharata, because
of his complete faith in the protection of the Supreme Lord, did not protest.
There is a song by a famous spiritual master that reads, "My Lord, I am now
surrendered unto You. I am Your eternal servant, and if You like You can kill
me, or if You like You can protect me. In any case, I am fully surrendered unto
You."The robbers bathed Jada Bharata, dressed him in new silk garments, and
decorated him with ornaments and garlands. They fed him a sumptuous last meal
and brought him before the goddess, whom they worshiped with songs and prayers.
Jada Bharata was forced to sit before the deity. Then, one of the thieves,
acting as the chief priest, raised a razor-sharp sword to slit Jada Bharata's
throat so they could offer Kali his warm blood as liquor.But the goddess could
not bear this. She understood that the sinful thieves were about to kill a great
devotee of the Lord. Suddenly, the form of the deity burst open and the goddess
herself appeared, her body burning with an intense, intolerable effulgence. The
infuriated goddess flashed her blazing eyes and displayed her fierce, curved
teeth. Her eyes, crimson orbs, glowered, and she appeared as if she were
prepared to destroy the entire cosmos. Leaping violently from the altar, she
quickly decapitated all the rogues and thieves with the very sword with which
they had intended to kill the saint Jada Bharata."
So, with this lesson and that of Lord Parasimha who saved his devotee from his demonic parents, I have to simply serve both worlds. Which are in reality only one. I think that's it for today. Thank you Lord, for all your grace and patience with my troubled soul. Satgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
"It is simple, " Swamiji replied. "The first step is to overcome your identification with your body. 'This body is me' or 'I am this body' is what causes consciousness to remain bound. Free your consciousness from the identification with your body. Then you will neitherfind yourself the doer of your action nor be affected by the fruits of your action. "
"This technique has been described in the third chapter of the yoga sutra..."
Yesterday after work, I was feeling soo sick. My sinus were flared up, my throat was constantly dry and I had a headache which made me not have a good sense of balance. So, it was Saturday, and I was done work at 4PM and when I got picked up by my step-mom Pat and went home, I went straight to bed. Now, I didn't feel tired enough to fall asleep but instead I decided to watch some of my new movies I got. I ended up watching Munich about the rivalries between the muslim and jewish undercover wars after the tragedy that happened in 1972 Olympic games in Munich.
The general story line was that after the killings of the Israeli olympic athletes by the Arab terrorist group called Black September. An undercover operation is conceived to kill most of the main members of the muslim group. Eventually near the end of the movie after a lot of deaths over this conflict they start asking themselves the common sense questions like:
"When will the killing stop?"
"Until they're all destroyed."
"What about the replacements?"
"We'll kill them too."
And at that point I couldn't watch the movie. Both sides just kept on accumulating more deaths. The Israeli government would bomb refugee camps in the Arab countries which wasn't read about in the papers. In turn the muslim groups would organize terrorist attacks which were more public.
In a strange way, I sort of felt responsible. In a small way, I felt like I had a desire for these wars to be resolved by more bloodshed. But I knew it had to stop, all these wars are infected by the suffering of desire which buddha explains in his Four Noble Truths Sermon.
For the play of consciousness is to be realized we have to just stop and be conscious of what exactly we are doing and meaning of it all. What are these desires we have in for short term and long term happiness. How real are they and would it really mean that our lives are over if we give up these desires? It's not saying that we should stop living, but more to the point, that we should be aware and conscious of what we're doing so that our current actions aren't deluded by what we see, such as maya.
Now, after I stopped the movie I went to go have soup because my stomach felt like crap and I didn't want to have anything else. I finished that, and I noticed that I hadn't done my chores for the day nor washed the dishes. So, when I put my bowl away, Pat asked if I was going to wash the dishes? I told her no, because I was sick (which even though it was visible in my physical demeanor, but I guess she hadn't noticed or was stuck in her own little world).
She then went on to say, "Well, who's going to do them? You're saying that the kitchen should stay a mess like this for the rest of tomorrow, because you're going to work in the morning."
"I'll try my best to finish them in the morning"
"Don't give me that crap Tyrone" she replied with inaudible mutterings.
This is the life I have to play out, it's not that fun at times. In years past I used to actually try to reason with my parents, but that would cause more arguments. I realized I couldn't change them, even if I saw it to be logical to make a few positive changes , which were merely suggestions. These however only added fuel to the fire. Some people like to suffer in their own way and only like to progress at their own pace. Which when I contemplated, was only natural.
I was silent after her last remark.It's a play of consciousness, we're all like little children, I thought to myself. There's no way in helping the situation. I felt an enormous frustration. I sort of made a public display by just going to the kitchen table, holding myself up with my arms straight on it, just trying to convince myself that I don't have to let myself lose my temper because of her ignorance. Because I mean, if she was my real mom, I'd like to think that first she would see that I wasn't feeling well, without me having to say anything. And second, understanding that I wasn't feeling well to do my chores.
This was one battle that I couldn't win. But the war kept going, because after that moment of frustration, I went to my room to turn my music on loud ( my most common form of rebellion) and then decided that I might as well shave my hair, because it was getting long anyways. I saw this as symbolic that like the swamis I'm renouncing her ignorance and I'm not going to let it get to me. The other thing to consider which I learned from Baba Muktananda and his guru Bhagwas Nityananda that the ignorance you see in others also belongs partly to yourself.
I ended up waking up early in the morning doing the dishes then heading out to work for the day. I have a few tests in school in the next two weeks, so the added pressure hopefully doesn't push me over the edge, if it already hasn't done so already.
Even though I'm complaining so much, I'm still very thankful to God for his grace in helping me through these very depressing situations. Many spiritual seekers have to go through much physically, mentally and spiritually difficult tasks that break us and see things in a different way. A clairity should emerge from the ashes like the phoenix analogy.
Dealing with Pat and all her fear mongering discipline isn't so bad if I don't take it personally. It makes me stronger and when I'm ready to deal with other conflicts in daily life, them seem petty im comparisen. It's the classic teaching of accomodation of 'to be in the world but not of the world'. That's enough for today, but as you might guess , I still many issues related to these to deal with. Peace and love, sincerely yours, tyrone.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Artist: Johnny Cash Lyrics How many times have
Song: A Satisfied Mind Lyrics
You heard someone say
If I had his money
I could do things my way
But little they know
That it's so hard to find
One rich man in ten
With a satisfied mind
Once I was waitin'
In fortune and fame
Everything that I dreamed for
To get a start in life's game
Then suddenly it happened
I lost every dime
But I'm richer by far
With a satisfied mind
Money can't buy back
Your youth when you're old
Or a friend when you're lonely
Or a love that's grown cold
The wealthiest person
Is a pauper at times
Compared to the man
With a satisfied mind
When my life has ended
And my time has run out
My friends and my loved ones
I'll leave there's no doubt
But one thing's for certain
When it comes my time
I'll leave this old world
With a satisfied mind
How many times have
You heard someone say
If I had his money
I could do things my way
But little they know
That it's so hard to find
One rich man in ten
With a satisfied mind
It's often seen that people no matter how hard they try aren't satisfied with their results. It's a constant battle that we're fighting and sometimes it seems to be in vain. This can develop into a chronic discontent, which in turn becomes apathy of a lot of the positive things in life. That in turn lets corrupt politicians and other negative forces take control of your life. Like how the voter turn out in the U.S. is around 50%.
Back to the original point at hand, this effort we put into everyday that doesn't materialize itself in large sums of money is really a practice of delusion. We see that in the tabloids, that even the rich and famou who live lives of luxury are still embroidled in trouble and controversy.
We need to recognize that wealth is from the english meaning of 'well being' and not just large sums of money. I still hear the echoes of Jesus's saying , "What worth is there if a man gains the world and loses his soul?" Money is useless and like a poison to the user who doesn't have a good purpose with it.
Sri Nityananda of Ganeshpuri afectionally known as Bade Baba was a great avadhoot, who had no limitations about who he was and was constantly oupouring his love and light even today. Sometimes when he would get on a train and the ticketmaster would ask him for his ticket, Bade Baba would say he had none and if the ticketmaster refused to let him pass, the train's engine would break down. Other times when asked for a ticket Bade Baba would throw countless rupees from his loin cloth. The money came from his siddhis of alchemy, because he was completely one with God. It shows that the true satisfaction in life is the realisation of the Self, after that petty things like money, food, and shelter are all taken care of because you are in harmony of the universe. Here's a story:
In 1925, Nityananda settled briefly in the Kanhangad area and began construction of the Sunrise - Sunset caves. This project entailed building a road up to the area and clearing the surrounding jungle. The sudden activity in the area was noticed and some of the local officials asked him with what authority he was taking these actions. He told them that someday there would be government offices at the site and that he was clearing the area for them. This answer seemed to satisfy them and they left him alone. Subsequently, in later years this came true. After the preliminary clearing and road work was over, Nityananda began carving the caves from the rock hills of the area. Forty caves in all were dug with six entrances, three facing East and three facing West so that there was always light within the caves no matter what time of day it was. Many of the locals were hired to assist with the digging of the caves and the manner in which they were paid was most unusual. Nityananda would sometimes direct the foreman to a certain tree where he would find just the right amount of money lying on the ground at the foot of the tree. At other times the workers would line up and walk past Nityananda and as each man went by, Nityananda would open and close his empty fist and down would drop the exact daily wages for each man. (c/o http://www.cosmicharmony.com/Av/Nityanan/Nityanan.htm)
With this, I wish people wouldn't get so depressed at debts or poverty. Some of the great sadhus live their whole lives in poverty but they are repaying their debts of karma as we all are. Why worry at such things. Your life is not limited to your body so free yourself from fear of death and pain of the body. Do your best in as many ways as possible and then you won't have any regrets in your consciounce. Live the joys of life without being attached to them and be free in all levels of consciousness. Like Meher Baba would say, "Don't Worry Be happy!"
Thursday, September 21, 2006
All beings desire happiness always, happiness without a tinge of sorrow. At the same time everybody loves himself best. The cause for love is only happiness. So, that happiness must lie in one. Further that happiness is daily experienced by everyone in sleep, when there is no mind. To attain that natural happiness one must know oneself. For that, Self-Enquiry, 'Who am I?' is the chief means. 1
That's what it's about for me. Trying to see that happiness that is always here, but the thought that I am not realized is what prevents it. There's many philosophies quite complex, that explain it in various ways. I've gone through some of them, and still I feel restless. Gradually, the peace of mind has settled in my consciounce but I still have doubts left unresolved. The issue here is that with any extra effort it has the chance to create more of a salvation or bandage both at the same time. That is the problem with visanas, the mental latent tendencies. The solutions for these are the grace of the guru and the primary method of Sri Ramana Maharshi, Self Inquiry, Atma Vichara. He explains that the method takes away the latent tendencies as well when the practice is done. Like a candle burning at both ends. In a way I think he's right and I love him for his grace in such a simple teaching and how he demonstrated it so emphatically in his life of simplicity.
SatGurunath Maharaj Ki Jay